Whiter than Rice

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Fever Pitch

I can guarentee the movie will SUCK. What an abomination of a movie.

1) Fever Pitch is a British remake, but instead of soccer they changed it to baseball, a nd they didn't even change the name. They just got lucky the word "pitch" is useful in both soccer and baseball.

2) Drew Barrymore is absolutely useless as an actress. If Hollywood actresses were evaluated using sabremetrics, she would be the DEFINITION of below replacement level. (For those not sabremetrically aware, please ask me about replacement level)

Traditional scouts and sabre teams both dislike her. Traditional scouts think she has a bad body and no tools, and sabre people find her inability to draw audiences and her HORP (Hotness over replacement level) to be around -5 runs a year (makeup adjusted) to be unappealing.

4) Jimmy Fallon: An absolute assclown. How could you get a NEW YORKER and an YANKEE FAN to play a Red Sox fan? Just because he's done the Boston Teens skit on SNL wearing a Nomar Jersey doesn't qualify him to play that movie. Having Jimmy Fallon play a Red Sox fan is basically like getting Osama Bin Laden to play the pope.

He's like Derek Jeter, overrated due to the success of a team effort and has no range. He can play basically one type of character (goofball), and his previous successes (SNL + Weekend Update) is due to the great work of others setting up his "clutch performances" (Those 97-02 SNL actors were great... Will Ferrell, Tim Meadows, Molly Shannon, Tina Fey as his partner on update) were GREAT comedians. A true assclown of Yankian Fashion.


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