I can't live like this

I can't live like this. I just can't.

It's not like how it used to be, where I'd have a bad day or two. It's been a bad SIX MONTHS. NOTHING good of significance (note: I've had some minor decent things happen) has happened the last six months. I've been sick repeatedly, I'm having major dental work done, injuries on BOTH thumbs (untreated), laziness), I've lost my wallet, I'm not getting along with my mom (OK, there's nothing new), and no matter what I do I can't compete with these fucking Asian Kids. I'm getting stuff wrnog that I KNOW. IT used to be that i could answer correctly shit i don't know. Now I'm fucking up stuff I KNOW. There's some sort of Multiple choice mental block right now, I don't know why. I see multiple choice, i freeze and suck.

What's the word I'm looking for... there's no HOPE. The only light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. At least before, I could just go scream profanities at/with my buds, and hope tomorrow would better.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow is guarenteed to SUCK. Nothing good could possibly happen tomorrow. Except I might lose some valuable item. I might hurt another body part. I might go to jail for no apparent reason.

It's not even work. I can handle being shitty at work. I can handle being shitty at a lot of things. I can handle being shitty at everything simultaneously. I used to live like that anyway. What I can't handle is the "loneliness". It's like i almost hate everybody around me. (OK, that's nothing new). I'm starting to not like the people that I LIKE too.

I'm going to put it this way: nobody dares to make fun of me. They think I'm going to flip out and knock somebody unconscious. I'm not being picked on anymore: they're too afraid to pick on me for fear that I might beat the shit out of somebody.
(Do you realize how silly that sounds)? There's no fun beating the krap tou of these 5'6 slitty eyed memorization machines anyway.

The best way to describe my life:
It's as if I've been dragged to the Britney Spears movie AGAIN, and the person who dragged me left the theatre, the doors have been chained and bolted down, all the 12 year little girls are giggling, and there's no sharp object in the room to stab myself in the eye.

If you don't know the above reference, don't ask. If you do, have yourself a nice little chuckle. If you're the person referred to above, please don't get angry, you're like the what, 3 friends I have left on this planet, and I can't afford to have more people kicking my ass. If you asked me to see that movie again, I'd answer Yes 8 times out of 7. If you're Britney Spears, go fuck yourself.