Whiter than Rice

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Well, we know what kind of people read Sports Illustrated.

Stupid people that send stupid fucking questions to the mailbag

For all the talk about the Curse of the Bambino over there and the Kentucky Fried Curse smashed by the Hanshin Tigers over here in Japan, no one seems to have spotted the latest mystical force -- the Curse of the Rising Sun. For the past three years, the losing team in the World Series has been the one with the Japanese player on the postseason roster. Does this mean the White Sox and Cards can stop hoping now?
-- Ben Kiggell, Tokyo

All right, Ben, I'll play along. So Taguchi for the Cardinals last year. Hideki Matsui of the Yankees the year before that. And the Giants' Tsuyoshi Shinjo in 2002, right? And, of course, Taguchi and Tadahito Iguchi of the White Sox this year. But let's not forget other playoff possibles whose teams may be doomed by the curse: Kazuo Matsui, Kazuhisa Ishii and Shingo Takatsu (Mets); big Matsui of the Yankees; and Akinori Otsuka and Dave Roberts (born in Okinawa) of the Padres. That's just off the top of my head, too. As far as you know.


I'll play along too:

1) So Taguchi played for the 2004 Cardinals. It was sure his fault the Cardinals lost the World Series. It was his fault that Jeff Suppan can't run the bases properly. It was his fault the Cardinals couldn't hit a crippled Curt Schilling. It was his fault that Mark Bellhorn made the Cardinal pitching staff his bitches. It was DEFINITLY his Yellow ass that made Scott Rolen forget to show up for the World Series. Did I mention it was his slitty eyes and small penis that caused Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds to have as many hits COMBINED in 4 games as So Taguchi's hits in the WS?

In case you guys don't know what I'm talking about:
Scott Rolen: 0 for 15
Jim Edmonds: 1 for 15
So Taguchi: 1 for 4

2) Why bother mentioning the Mets. They'll never make the playoffs anyway. Now the fact that their Asian players suck might have something to do with it, but that mainly has to do with them being METS players rather than them being Asian.

3) Hang on... what happened in 2004... let me think...

OH RIGHT.

THE RED SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES.

HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN.

Johnny Damon: Half Asian. His new wife, also half Asian.
Dave Roberts: (mentioned in the FUCKING ARTICLE): Half Asian, born in Okinawa.

Well, what the fuck do I know, I guess maybe Dave Roberts stole that bag because he was unscrupulous.

4) What else happened in 2004...

Oh right, this Seattle Mariner Team I used to enjoy watching didn't do very well, and I think this short little slanty eyed Asian dude did pretty well. Broke some record of some dead guy. Not important at all, in fact, it was because of him that his team sucked. That's it.

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