Whiter than Rice

Saturday, July 30, 2005

I am the Sandwich Man

Before I start off, I really should explain the nature of my employer, the CYC, or China Youth Corps. The CYC runs programs and camps for kids and adults, and they run "Activity Centres" which are like hostels.

There are branches all over the World. It used to be "government run" and ridiculously rich because it was simply a KMT Chiang-Kai-Shek Youth Brainwash factory, but now that it's in private hands the organization is poor and all the activities are krap. They used to run "Youth Camps" that involved people going off for MILITARY TRAINING.

So the CYC is like this:

Hitler Youth --> Anything to make a profit.

The Reasons I'm never working for them again:

1. The Mountain Incident

Ok. Picture this.

11 o'clock at night.

Mountain Resort in the middle of fuckign nowhere.

Dumbass banana kid gets BUG SPRAY in his eye.

Me and another counsellor takes him to the hospital. (Not really my responsibility, but when the most medically-educated person in the entire camp was ME, you know how shitty that camp was.) They give us a car and driver.

Doesn't seem THAT bad right?

We're on one of those Initial D mountain roads with a krap car at like 130 km/h, I figured no big deal, nothing I haven't seen right?

I smell alcohol.

The bells start ringing. Alarms go off.

We somehow miraculously get to the hospital alive. I'm not a religious or spiritual person by any means, but I seriously believe that my ancestors must have been pretty decent people, because if they were douchey I'd probably be dead.

The kid is alright, nothing to worry about. I pull the other counsellor aside... (Vivian is a nice girl... but I'd rate her like a 7 beer)

"Hey Vivian... you think he was drinking?"
"I don't know... I'm really scared. I don't nkow anything"
"Ok, promise me you won't get onto that car tomorrow. Because if you do, then I do, then we all die."

Even though all the conversation does is confirm the fact taht she's fucking useless, at least she's smart enough to listen to me.

(This is paraphrased. Not that I wouldn't say this to somebody)
"Quinn (Girly-man who was our head), DID YOU SEND ME A FUCKING DRUNK DRIVER?"
"I dont' know, let me ask Mr. Huang (our boss)"
"Guess what, I'm not going back up there. My life may not be valuable, but the kid's life is, becuase he's American, so you send me another fucking driver."
"I'll call you back"

Quinn calls back

"Can you just wait a bit until he clears up? What about a cab? or a motel nearby?"
"How about NO FUCK YOU SEND ME ANOTHER FUCKING DRIVER."

They take another hour to send a driver. It's like 1 am. Before I leave the hospital I get two Carlsbergs from the 7-11. I was dead tired, but it was the first time I had to drink to calm nerves. I was about to flip at smoebody.

The next day:

Mr. Huang: "I swear to God i didn't know he was drinking. I asked him myself. And I trusted your judgement and sent a driver."

I responded with the usual Asian Polite Crap about how I'm glad blah blah blah...

1. If you trusted me then why the fuck did you drag your feet when sending the driver?
2. If you beleived the driver wasn't drinking, then I have a fucking bridge to sell you.

2. The Sandwich Man

Ok, for my secodn camp that finished yesterday, they hired White Teachers through an Agency. Everyday it was CYC vs. White Teachers with me in the middle translating.

The teachers need money to buy stuff for courses. White Teachers buy stuff. CYC says it's the Agency's responsibility since the CYC purchased the course from them, the Agency says it's the CYC's responsibility, White Teachers obviously wouldn't pay for stuff out of their pocket (I wouldn't either), so this is a classic contract dispute.

Here's the kicker.

THERE IS NO CONTRACT.

IT WAS A VAGUE VERBAL AGREEMENT between CYC and Agency. (It wasn't my boss's fault (another guy, Mikail Chen), becuase he didn't arrange it. He just got there, it was his superiors that made the fucked up deal.)

SO there I am, everyday, with this money dispute of about 70 DOLLARS CANADIAN whether and who should pay this money for supplies. The sandwich man. (Anybody read You Gotta Have Wa will get teh reference)

I just stopped giving a shit. I just work here.

You'll love this part too.

We'd have to discuss this shit among the counsellors for like 2 hours every night, and whil we were discussing this, one of the female cousnellors said this to me

"WHY ARE YOU ON HIS SIDE?" (referring to White Guy)

I don't hit women, but I swear to god if I had a shotgun I woudl have shot her in the face. I responded with a "we're all on the same team (incl. the Whtie Guy)". You know, my boss was tehre.

Here's what I was thinking:

YOU KNOW WHO'S SIDE I'm ON BITCH? MINE! I'M ON MY OWN 15 DOLLAR A DAY CANADIAN SHITTY WAGE SIDE, SO FUCK YOU WITH YOUR LOCAL DUMBASS DITZY FRIEND FROM YOUR FOURTH RATE TOILET BOWL UNIVERSITY AND DO YOUR FUCKING TRANSLATING WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING BROKEN ENGLISH. I DON'T FUCKING CARE, I JUST FUCKING WORK HERE, AS DO YOU, SO SCREW YOUR "TEAM SERVICE" SHIT AND DIE ALONE YOU FUCKING BITCH. IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO BRIDGE THE CULTURAL GAP BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT, IT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. AND GROW A FUCKING RACK, BECAUSE YOUR CHEST IS FLATTER THAN 10 DAY OLD PEPSI.

NTU may be toilet bowl, but at least it's a 3rd rate toilet bowl.

Part of me is upset is because the White Guy is right and the Asian people are wrong.

I did learn a valuable lesson though:

1. If You want to do business, SIGN A FUCKING CONTRACT
2. Read what you sign. CAREFULLY.

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