Whiter than Rice

Monday, August 15, 2005

The "NEW" NHL, Vancouver Canuck Edition

As you all know, the new CBA has put a 39 million dollar salary cap while adding a 24% paycut to all players. My views on the salary cap and the new CBA are very clear. I think the owners are a bunch of douchebags and that the overspending is no one's fault but their own (OH NO WE ARE RUNNING DEFECITS, HURRY, BUILD US A NEW STADIUM! GIVE US A SALARY CAP SO WE CAN'T HURT OURSELVES!!! BUT WE'RE STILL RAISING TICKET PRICES ANYWAY!), but if the players were going to take it up the ass, did they REALLY have to deprive us a year of hockey?

My team the Canucks have made a few moves to fit under the cap. I'll just discuss these moves (in no priority):

1) Re-sighed Markus Naslund to a 6 mil/yr contract.

This IMO was the big "UFA" signing we were all hoping for. Fuck Kariya, Ziggy is a great player, ditto Demtira, but Markus Naslund is what the Canucks need. Bringing him back was a top priority. This is his team, and since he scores 50 goals a year, I like him. Still has nto developed into the PK threat like Ziggy or Sakic, but he doesnt' seem as ass in his own end anymore.

I woudl have creamed my pants if we got both Neidermayer AND Naslund, but one or the other I'm content with.

2) Moved Sopel for a pick to the Islanders

Our first salary cap casualty. IMO a good move for the Islanders because they've lost like everybody on their blueline (which was probably my favourite D corp in the league with Ninnima Aucoin Hammer and KJ) (They lost the middle too due to free agency, and Kenny retired), Sopel will eat minutes and run the 2nd unit PP. Say waht you want about his inability to skate backwards or his terrible hair, Brent Sopel has developed into a legitimate 2nd pairing offensive d-man (with certain limitations). This also proves that even a blind rabbit can find a mice once in a while, because the system that brought you highly touted 1st rounders such as Libor Polasek, Jason Herter, Alex Stojanov, and Josh Holden managed to find and develop a decent defenseman in the middle rounds.

3) Re-signing Brendon Morrison to a 3 mil/yr deal

People at first bitched taht this was an overpayment. And Yeah it's a little expensive. But I feel that this is the right move, sicne B-Mo is a good hockey player, not elite talent, but he does the job and is popular locally. I wish he was a little bigger and had a better faceoff percentage, but he's the best defensive player on his line (not sayign much), he's a good playmaker for Naslund, and he'll hopefully help Bert come back to the NHL (more on that in a moment, because I'll leave the incendiary shit to last).

Brendan Morrison is a good hockey player. And I'm glad to have him around.

4) Sami Salo re-upping at 1.5 mil/yr

Even though he's a RFA, that's under market value for a decent d-man like him. I wish he hit, but he positions himself well, uses his reach well, and is a decent skater. I think he might be overmatched in teh role we're sticking him in this year (#3 defenseman), but I like having him around. If he could only hit the net with his big shot.

5) Letting Marek Gretzky go at 2.5 mil/yr for 3 years to the New York Rangers.

I like the guy, and he's actually got some pretty good hands for a big man, but the truth is he's a pylon that doens't hit. He's proof of 2 things:

a) The +/- stat is useless (just becuase you were there doesn't mean you were making a contribution)
b) Glen Sather is on crack

6) Promoting Ryan Kesler and Kevin Bieska from the farm.

OMG PICKS PANNING OUT. OMG. WE'RE ABLE TO FILL HOLES IN THE LINEUP (3rd Line Center + 6th d-man) WITH YOUNG PLAYERS FROM THE ORGANIZATION. OMG.

We're still missing a 5th d-man right now (and a 4th line center)... but the fact taht we can promote TWO FUCKIGN PLAYERS to the majors is amazing. All appear to be good hardworking responsible players. I'm excited about Kesler as a) he scored 30 goals in the AHL b) He's a good skater c) He'x extremely responsible defensively

Bieska supposedly has a nasty physical edge. Let's hope he continues taht at the NHL level without taking dumb penalties

This still leaves us with Nolan Baumgartner as our 5th d-man, and some people might lose sleep over night about this, but c'mon, we've been Leif Rohlin, Bert Robertsson, Bryan Helmer, and Mark Wotton. How bad could this possibly be.

7) Signing Richard Park to a 700k/yr deal

We needed a 4th line RW. He's Asian, he's fast, and he's responsible defensively. I love him already.

8) Taking Mattias Ohlund to arbitration.

I don't mind this move. Thsi guarentees Mattias Ohlund is in a Canuck uniform the next season. Even though he does become an UFA next season, this will finally fulfill my long dream of signing Mattias Ohlund to a long term contract while ridding the giveaway machine that is Ed Jovanovski. If Jovo walks, he walks. Hopefully we can trade him for something. I'm pretty sure we can't keep both. If NOnis keeps Jovo while letting Ohlund walk i will be PISSED.

9) Dan Cloutier accepting his 1 year QO at 2.4mil/yr

ONE MORE YEAR! ONE MORE YEAR!

There have been rumours of a LONG TERM DEAL BEING NEGOTIATED.

I hope that's with our ECHL affliate.

God help us all

10) Us lowballing Artem Chubarov and him going back to Russia

We still hold his rights, but we now have a 4th line center hole to fill. According to everyone I've spoken to, Linden is ass at center and much better on the wing. So with Chubarov's loss (due to the salary cap), we need to find a 4th line center. Do you know the names I've been hearing?

DARBY HENDRICKSON

BRIAN HOZLINGER

MIKE EASTWOOD

Guys, Mike Eastwood is a faceoff winning CORPSE! THAT'S ALL HE DOES! He's like 129! Don't we have some minimum wage guy in the minors who we can play for 10 minutes a night without embarrassing himself? NATHAN SMITH! We drafted him in the first fucking round! Our SAFE picks don't even turn into a god damn 4th line 10 minute a night player. That's just sad.

Oh well, Artem Chubarov, I will miss you, and probably will miss you more when I see a dying corpse or a useless AHL player in your place.

11) The Sedins re-upping at 1.25 mil/yr

I've stopped referring to them as the sisters because:
a) I remember Henrik throwing hit once last season
b) I remember Daniel pushing back once last season
c) They did score 80 points between the both of them
d) If backchecking makes you a woman, then I want somebody to rush to the Bertuzzi residence with a large cutting object and eunuch his ass right now.

12) Todd Bertuzzi being re-instated by the NHL

Here we go.

One last time.

The Steve Moore Todd Bertuzzi incident is possibly one of the most stupid acts in sports EVER proceded by an incredible clusterfuck of stupid events. If ANY of these events had occured differently, the whole deal would not have happened.

1) Moore doesn't hit Naslund like that. I think he was looking to hit a star player, but that's just me.(With further research, I have found out the hit was actually legal, because even though Naslund DOESN'T touch the puck, Moore does, and he can legally initiate contact. I think the rule's intent and spirit was to enable guys like Cam Neely to CARRY the puck while bulldozing through guys, not just "oh i touched the puck so now i can legally hit somebody" without actually trying to do somethign with the puck ie. carry or pass, but rules are rules)

2) Brad May doesn't run his friggin' mouth. How stupid are you to "put out a bounty" on a player? Just go get him yourself. You're a 4th line scrub. That's your job. (Ironically, he scored 2 goals that infamous night)

3) The League acts smart abuot it, and WARNS both teams to not continue that shit. Fuck I would have pre-emptively warned both teams publically to not do something stupid, but that's just me.

4) Marc Crawford doesn't act like an asshole and sends out his players after Moore

5) Tony Granato (Former 15-game suspensionee) doesn't send Moore out after they're up NINE GOALS

Ultimately, Todd Bertuzzi commited a heinously stupid action, and even though he's not a very smart man, a series of stupid events that weren't his fault led up to it.

As for the punishment, you know what, he missed the rest of the year, he missed the playoffs, the IIHF honoured the NHL suspension, so it's "like" he missed an extra year, there is a legal case, Steve Moore will be compensated financially, the NHL is about second chances, so that's done and over with. I sincerely hope Steve Moore can recover fully to be cut from a NHL team at training camp.

I've heard lots of "Bertuzzi should be in jail!" comments. The only way an on-field/on-ice incident would result in a jailing would be if Bertuzzi is Black. Cuz we all the the White man LOVES to put a Black man in jail, especially if he's caught slugging a White guy on camera.

Next entry will be about how other team's moves will affect the Canucks.

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