Whiter than Rice

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Worst. Dialogue. EVER.

WORST. DIALOGUE. EVER.

I re-wrote the scene where Obi-Wan asks Padme about Anakin's whereabouts IN FIVE MINUTES, and it's got more dramatic flair.

Obi-Wan speaking through comlink: "Yes Master Yoda, the perimeter to Senator Amidala's residence has been secured. What? You want me to send pertinent data to the Tantive IV's database? OK, have Artoo open a socket on the server, I'm starting the questioning now. I'm going off coms, I'll get back to you as soon as we have any information on the whereabouts. Obi-Wan out."

Obi-Wan: "Senator Amidala, where is Anakin?"

Padme: "I don't know where he is..."

Obi-Wan: "When did you see him last?"

Padme: "Yesterday, after the Jedi temple was attacked."

Obi-Wan: "Don't lie to me Padme, I have Jedi powers."

Padme: "I REALLY don't know where he is."

Obi-Wan: "Dammit PADME, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. WHERE IS ANAKIN?" *Shakes her violently*

Padme: "What are you going to do to Anakin?" *sobbing*

Obi-Wan: "Padme, we're going to try to do everything we can to take Anakin in alive. YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. We can protect you, I have access to the Jedi Master Yoda and Senator Organa, we can make you a deal, create a new identity, and protect you from Palpatine. JUST TELL ME WHERE ANAKIN IS!!!"

Padme *outright crying*: "You're going to hurt him, aren't you?"

*Obi-Wan exits room.*

Obi-Wan *Through comlink*: "Artoo, pull up all pertinent files on Senator Amidala. She's not talking, we need something to use as leverage against her."

Artoo: Beep beep beep beep squiggle beep

Obi-Wan: "What? What do you mean Anakin is the father? Ok, that'll do. Thanks Artoo. I'll get back to you."

*Obi-Wan walks back into room*

Obi-Wan: "Anakin is the father of your unborn twins isn't he? ISN'T HE? Well guess what Padme, if you don't cooperate with us, we'll take away your children once they are born. Do you want your children to grow up without a mother? DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE MOTHERLESS??? DO YOU??? JUST TELL US WHERE ANAKIN IS, AND THIS CAN ALL GO AWAY! EACH SECOND WE WASTE HERE, THE DARK SIDE GETS STRONGER, AND THE SITH WILL NEVER BE STOPPED! TELL ME WHERE ANAKIN IS, AND THIS CAN ALL GO AWAY!"

Padme, tears STREAMING DOWN: "NO, I WILL NEVER BETRAY ANAKIN!"

Obi-Wan *pulls out lightsaber and sticks it by Padme's abdomen*: "ANAKIN KILLED JEDI YOUNGLINGS PADME, YOUNGLINGS! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO THE SAME THING TO YOUR CHILDREN, JUST TELL ME WHERE HE IS!"

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