Whiter than Rice

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Jesus, Judas, or Fellow Yellow Cashing Out?

Johnny Damon, Centerfielder of our 2004 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox, signed a contract worht 52mil/4yrs today with the New York Yankees. Reactions have been mixed at best, ranging from "BOOYAH SUCK IT" to "OMFG WTF ARE WE DOING" from Yankee fans, and "Thanks for the memories, we wish him well" to "THAT FUCKING GREEDY TRATIOR" from Red Sox fans. Needless to say, there's a lot of irrational baseball fans out there.

The Boston Red Sox offered 40 million dollars over 4 years. So basically the Yankees gave him 12 extra million dollars. Obviously this deal improves the Yankees and weakens the Red Sox, as we just lost a good bat + great baserunner at a "right-side-defensive-spectrum" position, and no matter what you think of Johnny Damon's defense (The Metrics/The Scouting is mixed for this one), he had to be better than Bernie Williams last year. So from the Yankees point of view, this deal was worthwhile NOW, but in 2008 and 2009, this could get real ugly, real fast, as his speed deteriorates, his arm remains teh suck, and he becomes a 330/390 hitter and having to be moved to LF. The possibility of this consoles me with the loss of Damon for next year.

For the Red Sox, we gotta find a CF. My heterosexual man-love for Aaron Rowand is well-documented, but he is highly unlikely to be available. My OTHER heterosexual man-love OF, Ichiro!, is probably not going to be available to be traded with even with Manny as a trade chit.

The scuttlebutt around Primer is Clement/Arroyo for Jeremy Reed of Seattle, and that is a deal I could live with. Clement/Arroyo were both good in 2004 but stunk up in 2005. Clement has a shitload of money left on his contract for the next 2 years, and Arroyo is in his last "service year" with us and he likely will cost a lot after arbitration. With our surplus of krappy starters, one of them should be available.

Jeremy Reed is an intriguing player. He's put up a line of .269/.338/.364/.702 in 610 PAs in the majors (at SAFECO), which is non-inspiring to say the least, but his minor league stats are very encouraging. He hit .327/.401/.478/.879 in 1183 AB's in the minors, which is very good for a centre fielder. His K/BB ratio is just over one in the majors and UNDER ONE in the minors, which means he's not a hacktastic douchebag at the plate, which is also encouraging. His defense is supposed to be excellent, and I'll take the "public word" for this one.

Dave Roberts is another guy I like. Now Kevin Towers has said that Roberts will start at LF for San Diego and hit leadoff, with Mike Cameron on the team I highly doubt that will happen. Roberts is a good CF, can get on base, is a great baserunner, and will most likely calm the public relation shitstorm that is the Boston Media right now. *Braces himself for some piece of shit "column" written by Curly Haired Boyfriend regarding Damon's departure*

As for Damon, thanks for the memories (ALCS Game 7 WHAT!), but hey, for a extra 13 million dollars, I'd sell out too. I do hope he stinks up the joint, and CAN'T HANDLE THE NEW YORK PRESSURE *TM, but I always love to see a fellow yellow man get rich off some bastard cracker doling out money. Damon would have to cut his hair and trim his beard, but this will only mean more "SHAVE THOSE SIDEBURNS MATTINGLY" references on internet message boards when Damon starts selling Overnight Shipping, Donus, and Office Supplies, so it really doesn't affect me.

Between Matsui, Damon, and Wang, Steinbrenner will be giving them a total of 13 million for Matsui + 6.5 million for Half-Damon (because he's only half-Asian), and a significant raise over the 300k league minimum for Wang. This from a man that called Japanese Pitcher Hideki Irabu FAT. The 20 million dollars between the 3 of them is what I refer to as The Curse of the Fat Asian Guy, especially when Matsui and Damon are useless by 2008, and when Wang is traded for some overpaid star player past his prime.

For the Sox fans that think Damon is a "sellout" or a "traitor" or "Judas", wouldn't you sell out for an extra 12 million dollars? I sure the fuck would. And do console yourselves in the fact that Damon will be useless in 2008. Hell, he may be Operation Alan Embree: Revenge of the Ramiro Mendoza Part III (Part II is the part next year where down the stretch Mike Myers comes in to pitch against Ortiz and gets fucked in the ass). Also, if he hits leadoff for the Yankees, Jeter will sac bunt a lot.

Fellow Sox fans, if you're still angry...

Kevin Millar is still gone.

Oh, last thing: Michelle Damon >>>>>>>> Anna Benson


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