Whiter than Rice

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Top 10 Todd Bertuzzi Stupidity Moments

This needs no further introduction.

Number 10:
Todd Bertuzzi pwn3d by TREVOR LETOWSKI

Jason Chimera, who scored the first Columbus goal, carried the puck down the left wing and left a drop pass for Letowski. Letowski put a fake on Todd Bertuzzi that froze him before charging in on goaltender Alexander Auld, skating to the slot and beating Auld between his leg pads.

Bertuzzi gets beaten quite a lot in the defensive zone, but that's not really the issue here. It's TREVOR LETOWSKI

The Trevor Letowski who could not deke past a gentle summer breeze blowing against him.

Number 9::
Todd Bertuzzi Takes Stupid Penalty in Important Situation, Opposition Score

Again, this is one of those "recurring themes", but there's this one moment I want to specifically mention:

2001 Playoffs, First Round, Game 3 at GM Place.

It's OT

The Canucks are rushing up the ice, the Avs have taken a delayed penalty.

I'm relatively sure it was BEHIND THE PLAY, Todd Bertuzzi just TACKLES Eric Messier. It's now a 4 on 4

Peter Forsberg scores on the next shift.

Number 8:
Todd Bertuzzi takes a TRIPLE MINOR

Despite the come-from-behind tie, right wing Todd Bertuzzi had a rough night. Calgary jumped ahead 2-0 while Bertuzzi, who had his 12-game point-scoring streak snapped, was serving a rare triple-minor for interference, roughing and unsportsmanlike conduct.

I used to think these things were rare.

Not with the Canucks though.

To be fair, Kerry Fraser was the official that night.

Next

Number 7:
Bertuzzi in a Jealous Hissy Fit punches teammate Jeff O'Neill

The year after that, in his own locker room, for no apparent reason other than jealousy, he punched out teammate Jeff O'Neill, who at the time was Guelph's prized first-round pick.

The guy that wrote the article is a total asshole, but I would not be surprised if the reason Bertuzzi punched Jeff O'neill was out of jealousy. Jeff O'Neill isn't the brightest of the bunch either. (that quote about the lockout? Genius)

(Thanks to OFC for the link)

Number 6:
Todd Bertuzzi's Punches a Linesman

In the NHL, Bertuzzi punched linesman Jean Morin in a 1996 scuffle and ended up suspended for three games

IIRC, he only punched a linesman because he tried to punch another player during a fight, but ACCIDENTALLY hit the linesman. That's why he got off with only 3 games.

Number 5:
"It is what it is"

"It is what it is," was all he would offer, time and again, when asked for his thoughts on the evening

English Majors:

If anybody can figure out what the F!@# that means, or maybe it's some sort of literary device or something, please leave a snarky comment, because to me it makes NO FUCKING SENSE

Number 4:
Todd Bertuzzi Punches a Bus

Like the time in 1991, playing in the Northern Ontario midget championships, when his team was beaten out in the finals by Sault Ste. Marie and he chased the winning team's bus out of the parking lot, swearing and pounding on the windows, out of control.

I just can't make this shit up.

I wish I could, because then I could write for 24.

Number 3:
The Infamous 10 Game Suspension

losing 10 more games to suspension for jumping the bench to attack a Colorado player in 2001.

Yeah, this writer is an asshole, because he totally fails to mention that it was Scott Parker that ATTACKED Ed Jovanovski, and Bert jumps off the bench to "help".

I don't care if this moment "transformed" Bertuzzi.

Only two morons like Ed Jovanovski and Todd Bertuzzi would let themselves taken off the ice by SCOTT PARKER

Sigh

Number 2:

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I've said many a times:

WHY DIDN'T HE TURN THE MOTHERFUCKER AROUND FIRST

One of my rules of life is that "if one is going to do something wrong, than one should do it right."

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If you're going to pull some stupid stunt like that and ruin the team's chances in the playoffs, then don't cry about it afterwards like a tool. Take it like a man and move on, and not play like krap after you finish your suspension.

I'd much rather have seen Bertuzzi go into the press conference and be like "I'm Todd Bertuzzi, BITCH!"

He's already a giant asshole. This just makes him a pussy AND an asshole.

Number 1:
"THERE WON'T BE A GAME SIX"

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Do I REALLY need to point out how stupid it is to fire up an opponent when we were up 3-1 in the series?

GOOD JOB TODD!!!!!111111

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