Whiter than Rice

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Todd Bertuzzi is with the Terrorists

It's amazing how every year we manage to suck. When we don't have talent (Mike Keenan days), we just suck. When we do have talent, I just can't believe how little we do with it. At least during the dark days. we'd have a random colletion of enforcers that would beat the shit out of people. Now he only toughness we ever see is Matt Cooke getting beat up every night and Jarkko Ruutu taking cheapshots at other players. Cheapshots are fun for the whole family, but it's not enough.

Why can't get we get some real hockey players? Like Shane Doan, Ryan Smyth, or Brad Richards? You know, players that move their feet, go to a corner, occasionally contact an opposing player, and skate near the goalie a couple of times a game? You know, a player with male genitalia and a functioning cerebrum?

Instead we've got this fat lazy stupid Italian douchebag sack of shit that thinks he's a finesse playmaker and drags the rest of the team down with him. The only reason he ever goes near the net is to take stupid penalty, and when he ventures to a corner it's probably to order a fucking hotdog from the stands. Everytime he does a drop pass, I die a little inside, and my sweet childhood innocence with it.

I'm convinced the WCE needs to be broken up for good and put with foot soldiers. That is if we can't move his fat lazy stupid Italian ass for somebody good cheap and young. Bob Clarke might stupid enough to trade us Pitkanen, you never know. Hey, Bert IS over 6'2!

1) Anson Carter is walking after this season to cash out. We can't afford to keep him, and NO MORE STUPID EXPENSIVE LONG-TERM CONTRACTS. So we need AGAIN to find a winger for the Sedins. I say stick Markus Naslund there. The Sedins woudl do their thing in the corners (seriously, when was the last time anybody on the WCE dug for a puck), and get Nazzy the puck. At least Nazzy is smart enough to shoot.

If we had old Bertuzzi, I'd stick him with the Sedins. Old Bert with New Twins would fucking pwn everybody. Bertuzzi would tie up 2 guys in front of the net, and the Twins would tag team some bitch-ass n00b d-man in the corners.

Edit: there is a lot of talk about Anson Carter staying, due to his media comments and the fact that he took less money to sign in Vancouver. Just a few issues:
a) up until this point in Anson Carter's career, he's been regarded as a skilled lazy perimeter player whose production is inconsistant at best.
b) The reason he chose us over the Leafs is obvious. If you were on a one-year contract and you wanted big money for your next contract, who would you rather play with, Daniel and Henrik, or Tie Domi and Jonus Hoglund?

Anson Carter is not a stupid man. He knows the score, and where the blingage is at.

2) Bertuzzi with Kesler and Burrows. Bertuzzi displays occasional hints of effort with Kesler, and Kesler and Burrows go to corners and near the net which creates havoc for Bert to drop pass to somebody on the other team.

Alex Burrows is a fringe NHL player. But he's cheap and he crashes, so he deserves a job.

Edit: the premise for this is that Todd Bertuzzi somehow is not moved. We need to get young good cheap asset(s) back from a Bertuzzi trade. If we get krap offer like "aging veteran bum and 2nd round pick" for Bertuzzi there is no bloody point.

3) Morrison with Cooke and Ruutu. Remember the good old days where Morrison would play on a speedy checking line and score 50 points? Those were the days. He's too expensive for this role, so he'll probably be moved. But if he isn't... hello old friend Cooke.

4) I'm not sure about the 4th line. I say bring back Chubarov from Russia and build the 4th line around him Give him a little exra money, promise him some extra ES time, whatever. He's our best PK guy, and him out on ES time doesn't hurt team ever.

Random note:

Keep Keith Carney. But for no more than two years. He actually doesn't suck

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