I Am So Damn Sick of Chris Pronger

GET CHRIS PRONGER OFF THE ICE

Chris Pronger: Height: 6'6" Weight: 220
Saku Koivu: Height: 5'10" Weight: 184

Saku Koivu beats Chris Pronger along the boards, resulting in the winning goal. Now, before I get to the next part, I should state that Koivu is an excellent skater, great balance and agility, and good lower body strength.

You don't lose a battle along the boards when the guy is 8 inches shorter and 36 pounds lighter. You just don't.

It’s not ALL Pronger's fault by any means. He's got a bad foot, yet Pat Quinn still insists on sending him out there for 25 minutes a game. You've got six, I mean five other decent defenseman you can play. Bryan McCabe doesn't count because he’s bloody useless. At least Jay Bowmeester can skate, Adam Foote is good for 2-handers, and Rob Blake can do an asscheck.

IT HELPS IF YOU WIN A FACEOFF

I don't know what our faceoff percentage is right now, but I bet you it's pretty atrocious. (Why can I not google up ANY team and individual stats right now?) Not winning faceoffs in the defensive end means the other team has possession and we’re running around trying to get the puck back. This coupled with 5'10 forwards beating 6'6 d-men along the boards causes trouble. In the offensive zone, if we don’t win the draw, we don’t have possession, and we can't do anything. This is part of the reason why our PP sucks

STOP TAKING STUPID PENALTIES

Bertuzzi will never get this memo. Other people, stop it. We've taken so many damn penalties it's actually justifying the selection of Kris Draper, who is otherwise useless. Our dedicated PK guy, who can’t do anything else, is getting a tonne of mileage simply due to the fact were taking SO MANY PENALTIES. STOP IT.

Who’s took penalties that's taken us off the PP so far? I've got Gagne, Bert, and Iggy. I may have missed somebody.

IF YOU SCORE ON A PP, YOU CAN'T GET SHUT OUT

1) Win a faceoff. Possession helps.
2) Move the dude on the halfboards closer in. The surface is bigger, if he's along the boards he has no shooting angle
3) Take Chris Pronger off the PP. He's not mobile enough to be playing the point.
4) GET THE SHOT THROUGH. 100 mph slapshots that go wide puts the puck in… umm… NEVER. Get the shot through. Bertuzzi is actually in front of the net doing his job, which comes about as often as hot young attractive women that are interested in yours truly. Yes Blake I'm talking to you.
5) Get Bryan McCabe off the PP if he can't follow point 4.
6) We need a new point man on the PP. Preferably somebody that can pass. coughSakicRichardscough

Fans: STOP SHITTING ON DOAN AND SMYTH

Two “checking” forwards out of twelve (Draper is so useless I'm not even counting him) is not why we’re not scoring goals. Those two are NOT the problem. Smyth and Doan are actually doing stuff i.e. skating, finishing checks, dirty work, etc. The Richards/Doan/Smyth line so far has been the line that has been the most consistent so far in terms of work rate and physical play. There are plenty of other culprits. Joe Thornton has done NOTHING even strength. Rick Nash was good against the Swiss, but was so terrible against the Finns he got benched late in the game (and missed a breakaway). Martin St. Louis is getting pwned by bigger players. Where is Iginla? LeCavalier has been good and physical though.

This is actually a small part of a bigger problem:

THESE GUYS CAN'T RUN A BREAKOUT TO SAVE THEIR LIVES

The breakout is just a series of stupidity:
Trying to carry through the neutral zone
Through four opposing sweaters lined up in the neutral zone
Without Puck Support

Genius

Those long passes are a great idea too. You either ice the puck or the Finns cut it off for a counterattack. We're not going to get anything off the rush with 4 guys lined up in the neutral zone. SO STOP TRYING TO CARRY THROUGH FOUR PEOPLE

I'm not a hockey genius, but I have come up with a 3 step plan to help Canada breakout of the zone and possibly score a goal:

Step 1: Dump
Step 2: Chase
Step 3: Dig

Repeat as necessary

P.S. Quebec is actually proving their usefulness. Goaltending has been good.