PUT DOWN THE PHONE

No, this not about 24.

Apparently, the Mariners want Jon Lester or Johnny Papelbon in a trade for Jeremy Reed.

If you refer to my previous post, it said that I liked Jeremy Reed as a possible Johnny Damon replacement. Well, not at this price. Not for Lester nor Papelbon. Our farm just lost two prospects when we traded for Beckett, so we can't afford to give up Jon Lester for a "maybe" like Jeremy Reed. Of course, Jon Lester isnt' a sure thing either, but homegrown hardthrowing lefties that win AA pitchers of the year don't come often.

I previously liked Jeremy Reed because he was only gonna cost us Matt "shitty goatee and shitty control" Clement, or Brandon "shitty hair, shitty music, and shittier peripherals" Arroyo to get him. Apparently now they want Jon Lester or Jon Papelbon.

I will say this one final time: Unless I see a Peavy/Buherle/Pujols/Santana/Zambrano/Oswalt/Wright/Cabrera/Dunn/Berkman/Harden come back, I will not endorse a Papelbon trade. Oh, and it's Johan, Carlos, David, and Miguel, so dont' get any funky ideas about the shitty version of the players mentioned.

We still need a name for Papelbon. My previous Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasm Related nicknames have been rejected with much fervor, so we gotta find this guy a nickname. Little Papi is lame.

The newest scuttlebutt I've heard is Coco Crisp for one of the aforementioned shitty starters. (Clement isn't that bad, but he's got a goatee, and goatees are faggoty.)

Coco Crisp would make me very happy. From all accounts, the man put up a +47 UZR at LF last year, and was originally a CF when he started out. (Apparently they moved him to LF because they like Sizemore at CF better). He can hit, and has decent power. His walkrate isn't as good as I'd like it to be, but he can hit doubles.

Here's Coco Crisp's numbers from the last couple of seasons:
.297/.344/.446
.300/.345/.465

Not exactly a terrific discipline guy (a BA heavy OBP), but his SLG is pretty good, and his EXB numbers are fantastic. He also has excellent speed on the basepaths. Oh, Jacob's was a pitcher's park.

If we can get him for a shitty starter (or David Wells, who's not shitty but is old and dirty), I'd be extremely happy. Unfortunately, Mark Shapiro isn't an idiot, and I heard he wants Marte. While a net trade of Renteria for Crisp sounds great, I'd still be pissed if Marte left. I think he'd be an excellent piece of the Red Sox future. If we got Crisp for Marte, it would be a 2 on the "Put down the phone" scale of trade anger.

Edit: I CANNOT believe I forgot to mention the fact that Coco Crisp is quite possibly THE COOLEST BASEBALL NAME EVER. Coco Crisp would probably beat former pitching coach Dick Pole in greatest baseball name ever. It might be cool enough to make Manny want to stay.

Joey Gathright is another name I've heard thrown around. Not much here, classic Nohit McFieldwell CF. I could LIVE with it if he came here and we stuck him in the 9th spot, but we could do better.

Final Note: The PDTP Scale of Transaction Anger
1-2: Please think about what you're doing, weight the pros and cons, and then gently put down the phone - Marte for Crisp - A trade in which we're giving up valuable youth, but the player in return is still young, fairly good, and fills a hole.

3-5: Put down the phone - Manny Ramirez and money for Lasting Milledge (Or other highly rated prospect with no impact player coming back) - A trade in which we're getting poor value, but we do receive useful parts back, cut salary, but downgrade for the present.

6-8: PUT DOWN THE PHONE - Papelbon for anything not previously named, Kevin Millar brought back, signing some other useless geriatric to take away Kevin Youkilis's AB's, etc - Basically anything that doesn't make us any better and negatively impacts the future of the franchise.

8-10: PUT DOWN THE PHONE OR I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR CIVIL UNIONSHIP - Manny Ramirez for Steve Finley, Jon Papelbon for Steve Finley, bringing in Darin Erstad to play at 1B everyday and paying his salary, etc. - Please refer to the THE KAZMIR TRADE

Jesus, Judas, or Fellow Yellow Cashing Out?

Johnny Damon, Centerfielder of our 2004 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox, signed a contract worht 52mil/4yrs today with the New York Yankees. Reactions have been mixed at best, ranging from "BOOYAH SUCK IT" to "OMFG WTF ARE WE DOING" from Yankee fans, and "Thanks for the memories, we wish him well" to "THAT FUCKING GREEDY TRATIOR" from Red Sox fans. Needless to say, there's a lot of irrational baseball fans out there.

The Boston Red Sox offered 40 million dollars over 4 years. So basically the Yankees gave him 12 extra million dollars. Obviously this deal improves the Yankees and weakens the Red Sox, as we just lost a good bat + great baserunner at a "right-side-defensive-spectrum" position, and no matter what you think of Johnny Damon's defense (The Metrics/The Scouting is mixed for this one), he had to be better than Bernie Williams last year. So from the Yankees point of view, this deal was worthwhile NOW, but in 2008 and 2009, this could get real ugly, real fast, as his speed deteriorates, his arm remains teh suck, and he becomes a 330/390 hitter and having to be moved to LF. The possibility of this consoles me with the loss of Damon for next year.

For the Red Sox, we gotta find a CF. My heterosexual man-love for Aaron Rowand is well-documented, but he is highly unlikely to be available. My OTHER heterosexual man-love OF, Ichiro!, is probably not going to be available to be traded with even with Manny as a trade chit.

The scuttlebutt around Primer is Clement/Arroyo for Jeremy Reed of Seattle, and that is a deal I could live with. Clement/Arroyo were both good in 2004 but stunk up in 2005. Clement has a shitload of money left on his contract for the next 2 years, and Arroyo is in his last "service year" with us and he likely will cost a lot after arbitration. With our surplus of krappy starters, one of them should be available.

Jeremy Reed is an intriguing player. He's put up a line of .269/.338/.364/.702 in 610 PAs in the majors (at SAFECO), which is non-inspiring to say the least, but his minor league stats are very encouraging. He hit .327/.401/.478/.879 in 1183 AB's in the minors, which is very good for a centre fielder. His K/BB ratio is just over one in the majors and UNDER ONE in the minors, which means he's not a hacktastic douchebag at the plate, which is also encouraging. His defense is supposed to be excellent, and I'll take the "public word" for this one.

Dave Roberts is another guy I like. Now Kevin Towers has said that Roberts will start at LF for San Diego and hit leadoff, with Mike Cameron on the team I highly doubt that will happen. Roberts is a good CF, can get on base, is a great baserunner, and will most likely calm the public relation shitstorm that is the Boston Media right now. *Braces himself for some piece of shit "column" written by Curly Haired Boyfriend regarding Damon's departure*

As for Damon, thanks for the memories (ALCS Game 7 WHAT!), but hey, for a extra 13 million dollars, I'd sell out too. I do hope he stinks up the joint, and CAN'T HANDLE THE NEW YORK PRESSURE *TM, but I always love to see a fellow yellow man get rich off some bastard cracker doling out money. Damon would have to cut his hair and trim his beard, but this will only mean more "SHAVE THOSE SIDEBURNS MATTINGLY" references on internet message boards when Damon starts selling Overnight Shipping, Donus, and Office Supplies, so it really doesn't affect me.

Between Matsui, Damon, and Wang, Steinbrenner will be giving them a total of 13 million for Matsui + 6.5 million for Half-Damon (because he's only half-Asian), and a significant raise over the 300k league minimum for Wang. This from a man that called Japanese Pitcher Hideki Irabu FAT. The 20 million dollars between the 3 of them is what I refer to as The Curse of the Fat Asian Guy, especially when Matsui and Damon are useless by 2008, and when Wang is traded for some overpaid star player past his prime.

For the Sox fans that think Damon is a "sellout" or a "traitor" or "Judas", wouldn't you sell out for an extra 12 million dollars? I sure the fuck would. And do console yourselves in the fact that Damon will be useless in 2008. Hell, he may be Operation Alan Embree: Revenge of the Ramiro Mendoza Part III (Part II is the part next year where down the stretch Mike Myers comes in to pitch against Ortiz and gets fucked in the ass). Also, if he hits leadoff for the Yankees, Jeter will sac bunt a lot.

Fellow Sox fans, if you're still angry...

Kevin Millar is still gone.


Oh, last thing: Michelle Damon >>>>>>>> Anna Benson

I Finally Understand Why Women Get So Angry Every 28 Days.

I now finally understand why women get so angry every 28 days.

Our pathology exams are just like menstruation cycles... once every 28 days!

When it's on time it's a bloody mess...

When it's not on time, the shit hits the fan.

You think I'm irritable and pissed off?

What the fuck do you want?

I've slept 4 hours since Sunday Morning

I got one out of six pathology slides correct.

My estrogen level is at a low.

Bite me asshole

The Grace Lee Project

I really want to see this movie....

www.gracelee.net

Sounds interesting

When Korean American filmmaker Grace Lee was growing up in Missouri, she was the only Grace Lee she knew. Once she left the Midwest however, everyone she met seemed to know "another Grace Lee." But why did they assume that all Grace Lees were reserved, dutiful, piano-playing overachievers? The filmmaker plunges into a highly unscientific investigation into all those Grace Lees who break the mold -- from a fiery social activist to a rebel who tried to burn down her high school. With wit and charm, THE GRACE LEE PROJECT puts a hilarious spin on the eternal question, "What's in a name?"

Time to Enlist the Help of My Fellow Vancouverites

OK I hate being known personally on the internet and not knowing who I'm talking to.

I recently signed up at www.vanwhitenoise.com... pissed off some dude after I said the Richmond RCMp was racist.

Anyhooo.... here's the deal:

TWo people on the board said they know me. And I can't figure out who they are. It's annoying.

Poster #1: Fred

Female

Knows a lot about our class. Gave her a list of 25 people, claimed to know all of them, gave decent details about most of them... here's how I'm sure she definitely knows us well:

When I asked who on the list were of the people of David, promptly picked out the 3. Said she went to Tara and Leah's Bar Mitzvahs. So this should tell us.

Goes to UBC

May have gone to General Gordon

Poster #2: Cassio

Female

Friends with Fred.

Doesn't know me that well... but I was sure she knew who I was when i asked her about me. Knew that Liang regularly pwned me, knew that I beefed with Bobek...

Apparently took writing 12.

Supposedly I was hostile to. Who was i NOT hostile to?

I got nothin'

I'm pissed that people know who I am adn i have no idea who i'm talking too.

Very teh annoying.